Ronaldo back to Manchester United? No ta!

In the summer of 2008, instead of basking in the glory of being Champions of England again and winning the European Cup for the third time, Manchester United fans were forced to spend 3 months hanging on every word of one man.

The fragile little Orchid that is Cristiano Ronaldo.

Despite the fact that he was only one year into his new 5-year contract, tales of unrest started to emerge from his camp whilst the rest of the squad were still throwing back the champagne. Ronaldo had an agenda, he was at the height of his powers and felt that the time was right to push through a move to ‘his beloved’ Real Madrid.

Rather than ask to speak to the manager, Ronaldo decided that it would be easier to keep the fiery Scotsman at arms length and allow the press to have a field day.

It was as if he couldn’t bring himself to say the words “I don’t want to play for Manchester United any more, let me go,” so instead we were treated on a daily basis to…

“It is my dream, but dreams do not always come true.”

“You know what I want, what I would like to happen, let’s see.”

“Only God knows” and the classic “I agree with the statements of the FIFA President” (who had suggested that United should allow him to move to Madrid & stop treating him like a ‘modern-day slave’).

A FUCKING ‘SLAVE’????

I don’t think that anyone kept him in chains and whipped him until he signed a new deal a year earlier. But when the FIFA ‘Knob’ead elect’ Sepp Blatter decides that the entire transfer system should be altered to suit your needs (yes, seriously), your ego is bound to explode.

This is where I think the problem lies with Ronaldo – in terms of ego, he’s a fully-erect penis who spends every waking hour stroking himself into a milky lather!

My opinion of Ronaldo ‘The Ego’ had already taken a huge dip prior to that rainy night in Moscow, but it was a split-second decision during the penalty shoot-out in Moscow which hammered the final ‘preening tit nail’ into the ‘preening tit coffin’.

It wasn’t his decision to try and outfox Cech by staggering his run, shit happens, it was the way that he threw himself onto the rain-sodden turf and sobbed like a spoilt child, whilst his team-mates charged upfield to congratulate Edwin Van Der Sar.

In a moment that comes along all too rarely (if ever), rather than celebrate with his mates, his crushing self-awareness clicked-in and a voice said “MAKE IT ABOUT YOU”. (If you look closely, you can see him decide to do it) I mean why be part of a crowd scene… when you can have your own one man show?

Ronaldo doesn’t like to share his stage with anyone; so imagine how he feels having Messi dancing around him like some irritating Golden-Booted Pixie! No matter what Ronnie does, how many goals he scores or how many medals he wins, there’s always going to be that element of doubt –

“Is Messi better than me?”

In my opinion, the answer’s ‘no’. You can’t get a Rizla paper between the two in terms of skill and effectiveness, they’re different but equally brilliant. Unfortunately, Ronaldo seems to think that the world revolves around him and it makes him so difficult to like.

When stories emerged this week that ‘His Dream’ may have turned sour, with him revealing he was “sad”, Twitter went into overdrive with heartfelt pleas for Ronaldo to ‘Come home’ – home? I doubt that he ever considered Manchester home. If his lifelong dream really was to play for Real, then we were merely a stepping-stone.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change anything (other than his desire to wear white) about his stint in the #7 shirt. It was a joy to watch him develop from a show pony into a thoroughbred. He provided moments that’ll go with me to the grave. But people are kidding themselves if they believe that he had anything other than Ronaldo’s best interests at heart. The adoration poured on him by United fans has become freakish. He wanted to leave and gave Sir Alex one last year as if he was a (very good) loanee – doing a job, but ultimately detached from the soul of the club.

So if anybody happens to win £100m on Euromillions, don’t buy Ronaldo for Manchester United. It’s over. It was great whilst it lasted but he’s gone, and on top of that, we all know that if the bubble has burst in Madrid and he decides that he wants to be top-dog in England again – he’ll be wearing blue!

… and I don’t think that some you could take that.