If getting sacked earned me £5 million, you could expect me to report to work bright and early tomorrow morning, whereupon I would kick my boss in the knackers and set fire to the building.
As such, expect Ed Woodward to be staggering around M16 clutching his groin while thick, black smoke issues from the large, glass-fronted merchandise emporium behind him. Because surely any sane man would do the same as I, and if Louis van Gaal is one thing, it’s, erm, sane, right..?
£5m though, that’s the figure reportedly due to van Gaal if he is dismissed before the upcoming final year of his three year contract. Other financial details of his pay arrangements are that he is on an £8m salary, but only £3.3m of that is assured. The rest is based on team performance at the end of the season. And team performance up to three games before the end of the season hasn’t been looking entirely United-esque.
£1.1m of his salary depends on qualifying for the Champion’s League. Winning the Champion’s League or the title would each have pocketed him £1.5m. The Europa League and FA Cup cash in at £400’000 each, and the Capital One Cup £200’000.
It isn’t clear how much he received for ordering Phil Jones to take corners, or why this stipulation was included, but one would assume at least a six figure number and a new dishwasher.
Should United bite the bullet, cough up the magical five followed by six zeroes, and with a puzzled sigh usher out the bewilderingly illogical Van Gaal, then the entirely magnanimous and risk free Jose Mourinho waits nearby, perhaps in WH Smith’s.
His salary? Said to be in the 10 to 12 million bracket, and he’s also quite needy.